i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
this is an emotional support booty call
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
