I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize