when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
