I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
