I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
