In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
