How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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