Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
