what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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