We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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