If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I need water and some morals
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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