i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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