Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
