I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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