im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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