Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize