And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
