Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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