I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
