oh god the rape fog is back!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
