my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
