you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
