Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
