Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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