I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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