shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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