Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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