I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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