You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
