Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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