dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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