It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
