seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
