I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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