I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
just found out that she named her cat after me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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