whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
