Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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