why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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