This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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