I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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