id be glad to
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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