how can u be prego again
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
