Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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