I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
