shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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