I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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