New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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