She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
