I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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