ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
