Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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