the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
