Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
