you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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