I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
