the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
