im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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