Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
