At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need a beard to bite.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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