I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
