on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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