Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
