Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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