I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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