the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
