You really coming over, don't trick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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