matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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