I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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