so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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