and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
