Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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